If You Can't Drive It, Don't Buy It!

I will never understand this logic, I go to the car dealer to buy a new car, as I'm browsing the lot, I see this bad ass 2008 pickup. I tell the salesman that he needs to get me into that car, I've got good credit, lets get me on the road with this beast asap. As soon as I leave the lot I find out the car's too much to handle, so I'm stopping late, over/under accelerating, etc.

Unfortunately, I drove it off the lot, like a moron, so it's mine. No problem you're likely thinking, it just takes some time to get used to it, I'll be okay.

I have seen countless morons on the road who cant turn, cant stop, cant accelerate correctly, it's amazing. Does no one bother to take a test drive anymore? I'll be the first to admit my Yaris handled differently when I drove off the lot when I test drove it, but that's because it had the dealer's kill-switch installed, so when I drove it home it drove a lot smoother, but the handling was about the same.

I bring this up because I noticed some idiot driving around in his brand new Chevy Avalanche, assuming you can actually call it driving, basically swerving and not handling his vehicle very well, at all.

My first assumption in a situation like that is that the driver is likely drunk, but it was a monday afternoon and there were actually 3 people in the car, male driver, female passenger, and what seemed like a baby seat in the back, so this guy was likely driving his family somewhere for dinner or similar to that. Mind you, I don't live overly close to the city, we're a few miles north on the interstate, but it's fairly busy. They had recently added an on-ramp for one of the streets and its not very smoothe because of the construction and they have 2 way traffic in an area that will one day become a 1 way. Lets see the graph, shall we? (YAY MSPAINT!)

Bonehead and I are entering the freeway from point A with ultimate destination being point D (what you cannot see, is that point D forks, it will go straight and run along side the interstate, or become an on ramp, the B lane is designed for interstate traffic, whereas C is designed for people who want to drive alongside.) Now, as he drives around the turn to enter lane B, he gets into the lane about 3 hours too late, up until this point he was in lane C, when he notices that it's not going where he wants to go, gets into the correct lane and when reaching the turn, takes the turn so damn wide, almost ends up in the dirt somewhere below the text of this post.

I swear this guy had an Arizona lic plate, that wasn't FLT so no rental, so he should be used to this kind of insane traffic structure (see: How to Drive in Phoenix, if any confusion).

If I Designed My Car...

The first thing I think of when I get in my car after it's been sitting in the afternoon Phoenix sun is this statement:

"The Designers sure aren't from around these parts now are they?"

I made a fairly cheap photoshop version of what my car should look like:


Photo credit originally goes to MSN Auto's, but it's the same make and model of my current car, so without further adieu, let the show begin.

1. The first and most obvious is the oven mitt placed snugly on the steering wheel. This will make summer driving in Phoenix a whole lot safer since people will be able to use their entire hand, instead of just their palms while driving.

2. Of course the air vents are going to be well placed in the car for optimum cooling, but also, it will have an auto setting that will make it so when the car is turned on it doesn't go straight to full blast(because this is what you had it set for when you were last in the car) and blow hot, scalding air right into your face and extremities.

3. Oh dear lord the chairs, this one is a gimme, any idiot who purchases a car with leather seats in Phoenix deserves anything the elements can throw at them, want your cajones stuck to a chair? you got it! through your pants? oh you've got that one as well my friend.

4. Now the fun part of Arizona summers is that around June 15th, we enter what we call Monsoon Season, which basically means that storms will gather and dump some rain on us every once in awhile. So unfortunately leaving a window cracked while at work is out because you don't know what day you will get the downpour since every day starts out clear and sunny. So what I suggest is a vent on the sides of every door that vent air in and out of the car, but have some sort of lip to keep it from getting rained in.

5. Everyone in Phoenix knows the value of a good window shade, but if you have a small car like a Yaris, good luck setting this thing up without causing yourself to need to run inside the building because you've now caused yourself to be late. What I say is that cars should come with an auto shade feature that you simply pull up from the base and then clip on your rear view mirrors, voila!

Not Shown: Find some way to make it so things you keep in your car storage areas don't become 17 million degrees, I cant even try to put on my sunglasses for at least 5 minutes, and good luck son if you're trying to pay with cash and your digging for coins in your drink holder. Say hello to second degree burns.

My Colleagues are Idiots.

The other day I had something happen to me at work that caused me to lose faith in a large portion of the population. For those of you who have followed my blog through the last few months, or anyone who has navigated around it, you'll know I work as a Customer Service Rep in a call center. Not exactly a prime place to find the worlds best and brightest to begin with, but I digress.

My direct colleagues and I already have an air of superiority to begin with since we are a specialty department and always assume the other reps are airheads since they can't seem to understand what we do and do not do, but sometimes something happens that even the people outside of my department or even my company will just put their hand up to their forehead and think, "What the hell was that guy thinking?" Here are a few.

I work in the Fraud department, customer has a concern with charges on their account, transfer them to me, simple right? If only you knew.

Me: "Fraud department, this is Troy"
CSR: "Oh great, did I reach the fraud department?"
Me: "Sure did"
CSR: "Awesome, and who am I speaking with?"
Me: "Troy"
CSR then proceeds to explain the call to me, letting me know what I will be doing when the caller comes through to me.
CSR: "And now before I transfer them through, how would you like to be introduced?"
*Facepalm*

The best part about that lovely exchange is that the rep is not from India, that wonderful human is from our own USofA. Take pride Americans, take pride.

Not to be outdone, our buddies in India like to follow up with this little gem:

Me: "Fraud department, this is Troy"
India: "Excuse me, Charlie?"
Me: "Troy"
India: "Ok Charlie, this is the situation..."
*explains*
India: "Alright, and you're name was Charlie?"
Me: "No, Troy"
India: "Oh I'm sorry, let me introduce the caller"
India: "Caller, Thank you for holding, I have Charlie on the line to better assist you"
*Facepalm*

Here's a good universal one that never ceases to amaze me, fear for your accounts ladies and gents, fear for them.

Me: "Fraud department, this is Troy"
CSR: "Hi Troy, this is soandso, I have a caller on the line who has fraud on their account"
Me: "Ok, I'll be glad to assist, how did you identify the caller?"
CSR: "I didn't"
*This is the fraud department, we actually would like to STOP fraud, not encourage it, thanks*
*Facepalm*

To wrap it all up, I would like to stress the importance of situational awareness, know whats going on before you open your trap, this goes for anyone, even not in the customer service field. If I get done introducing a caller to you who was just had their identity stolen and abused by a family member, DO NOT start the call with, "Hi ma'am, my name is Steve, how are you doing today?"

The threat to America isn't terrorism, it's our own stupidity.

My Gripe About Social Media

Somewhere between my 250th Lolcat and 700th Demotivational Poster, I learned something. There's really only 10 bloggers on the internet that actually come up with new content, everyone simply copies what was already posted.

Maybe it's just me, I use Digg, Reddit, Mixx, and StumbleUpon regularly. So that means that I'm going to see the same story 4 times, but that's not the case. The problem is that if I saw an article on Digg that peaked my interest, I would click it, and then likely Digg it. Then I would start browsing reddit and look, someone linked to a page again, so I make sure I give it an up score. After a day or so, people will start giving thumbs up to this page as they're visiting it from Digg or Reddit and this will cause me to Stumble upon the page, which I will likely give a thumbs up to. This is where it gets bad. Most bloggers want to drive traffic to their page, so what they will do is hop on to the newest internet fad, if it's a Youtube video, they'll post it, if its an article, they will link it. They will then have their page submitted to SU and I will end up stumbling it again, only days later.

I came to this discovery a few months back when the cartoonist that was drawing the pictures that started out to look NSFW and then transformed it into a normal picture. I swear I stumbled it about 15 times in 2 days, it was on EVERY humor blog. The on top of that, it made it's way to the top of every video page.

If someone can point me in the direction of a good humor blog that creates their own content instead of ripping it off, please let me know. I'll subscribe to that RSS feed so fast, your head will spin...

It Doesn't Need to Explode!

Okay, I need to air this because it's getting out of control. Yesterday I filled my gas tank for my little Toyota Yaris, maybe a 12 gallon tank at best. Cost me $40! Luckily I get around 42 mpg in my car so I don't feel it, except I drive 75 miles a day so I need to fill up at least once a week, that gets expensive still.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a tree hugging hippy, but it's time to move away from gasoline. It's outdated, we're still using(albiet a modified version) the same crap we used to power our cars 80 years ago, it's time to move on.

"Hybrid!" You hear people screaming, "Bio Diesel" is another one you hear tossed around, but frankly, it's the same ole shit, pardon my French, but this really irks me. We complain about gas prices because of oil prices, hybrid wont fix that, we still need gas. Bio Diesel wont change anything, because when it becomes popular, the price of corn goes up. It's the same vicious cycle people, and it has no end in sight. We need something drastic.

Electric is a perfect way to go, if only it wasn't a pain. The last thing I want is to get ready to go in the morning and realize that I forgot to plug my car in last night. All the money car companies can bring in if they can find something else, and all the bright people they can recruit, and we still have nothing. Why? because up until now, the combustion engine worked, why change it when we can just modify it. Get over yourself, it doesn't need to explode to power a car.

Now is the time for someone to come up with the next great idea. The world needs it.

Why Do All Hospitals Seem to Suck at Everything?

Through the course my life, I've had a few family members in and out of various hospitals, the amazing thing about this, the food always sucks. Can anyone explain this one to me?

Sure, I can see why patient food would suck, they have to supply it for free to every patient they have, so it's understandable that they would want to save money. Now, if I'm going to go to their cafeteria, and pay 10 bucks for a Grilled Cheese, why would I want the bread to be stale and the cheese to be uncooked? I don't, but somehow, that's always how it ends up. Or I always have the option of going somewhere close like a McDonalds or something of that nature, but I can't bring it back into the room to spend time with my family member, because they don't allow food past 5 feet inside the door.

The best part is, hospitals will always be able to get away with this, if it was any corporation, you would see a company change it, and then bring in loads and loads of business, the problem, where ever you happen to be when you get hit by a truck, that's where they ambulance is taking you. At least in Phoenix, it's law that the driver is required to take you to the nearest hospital to your location, no matter how much you or your family members ask otherwise. Make sure to think of that next time you're choosing a house, if you have an accident there and need to be rushed by ambulance to a hospital, where are you going?

My girlfriends mother went to urgent care to have a rash looked at, they advised her that it was MRSA(Lovely little infection) that she contracted while at the hospital with her son, and that they would like to get an ambulance to take her to the hospital to get it treated, she politely declined, as the nearest hospital was Paradise Valley Hospital in PHX, and the place is a waste of space. (The doctors actually lost her when her family was looking for her a few years back, how do you LOSE a patient?). Thus driving her infected self to another hospital 10 miles away to John C Lincoln Hospital.

While I'm on the topic of hospital complaints, someone tell me why I should pay to park there? I show up, I'm in enough emotional distress as I have someone I care about in the hospital and you crazy people want me to pay $1-$5 a day for parking. Screw that noise.

So there ya have it folks, I'm sure everyone hates hospitals for one reason or another, my reason is not because sick people are there, it's because they suck in general.

How about you folks leave some comments? We're rolling in the traffic recently but no one wants to comment? 28 Stumbles on Mental handicap pt2 which equaled about 500 uniques, and no comments, seriously?

Oh and make sure to subscribe to the RSS feed, it's a whole lot easier.

I'm Dating a Grammar Nazi

This is what I get for being attracted to smart women. The other day I was told by her that she can no longer read my blog, not because of the topics covered, but that she gets annoyed with me and the way I blog. My problem is not that I don't know what I'm doing, it's that I want to type like I'm thinking, and what you read is directly off of memory some times, so I occasionally doesn't follow any logical time flow and there are commas and periods where they should and should not go.

As most of my friends would tell you, most of my humor is not from what I joke about, but it's my delivery, and if you're sitting in your living room/office/mom's basement it's hard to read delivery unless the author tells you when to pause and where they add emphasis.

Sure, the typo is a pretty common item here on 02 Sense... but that's the fun part. I was asked, "How do you have typos if you use Firefox?! It has a built in spell checker!!" I shrug and go back to misspelling words.

Sure, spelling and grammar mistakes may seem juvenile, but that's my thing. I don't stand here and blog about fart jokes and bodily functions, I blog about the everyday occurrences of my life, and how better to see it through my eyes than to experience it the way I see it. So to all you who demand proper grammar and spelling on this blog, it's not going to happen, suck it up or take your readership elsewhere, for the rest of us...

Poopy.

Must be a Mental Handicap Part 2.

This is part two of the Mental Handicap series, see part one here.

I'm usually not one to turn my blogs into a gripe station, but this one needs to be aired. I'm sure most of you have had this experience in your life in one store or another. You find yourself sitting at home and realize you really need something, be it toilet paper, cat food, whatever. This forces you to make a quick run to the store to pick it up. Even though you use the express lane, you're there for 45 minutes.

I'm assuming not all of my readers are from a busy metropolitan city and cant directly relate to this, but hear me out.

I run into Wal-Mart at around 11:30pm to pick up some lunch meat and some cat litter. It's a Sunday night and I need to get back home and get to bed as I need to work the next morning. I run in, find the items I need and now it's around 11:45, I get to the express lane to check out so I can make a quick escape, when all of a sudden this woman slides her cart in front of me and begins to check out.

The bad part about this is that although it's a 20 items or less lane, this woman has a whole cart full of food and clothes, basically, the works. As she is piling her stuff onto the little counter usually reserved for people like me who have 2 or 3 things, the cashier is just looking at her dumbfounded because she doesn't have one of the black conveyors that are usually used for this transaction, so this woman is piling items on top of items in order to empty her cart.

After about 15 minutes of this, all the items are finally scanned and the woman now has to look for her card. This is another 10 minute process because "I know it's here somewhere." Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the line has formed to now 7 people, including some annoyed, already drunk frat guys who are wanting to purchase their 2 bottles of Smirnoff and some orange juice, a crackhead homeless guy who just wants to buy a candy bar, and myself. She, seeing this, turns around to apologize to me, not because she just wasted 20 minutes piling her stuff on the counter, but with a giggle, that she can't find her card.

Finally, I get to buy my stuff and I'm out the door within 5 minutes from that time. All this for a loaf of bread, 2 deli meats, and cat litter.

I swear, I could make this blog all about the stupid people I encounter in my every day life, but there's enough of those out there.

3 Bed/2.5 Bath/No Pizza

There are certain things that should be required to disclose when you purchase or lease a house. Things like murders, Indian burial grounds, lack of pizza delivery, things of that nature. Most people assume that as long as you are in the area of a city as large as Phoenix, you would be able to have pizza delivered to your house, not this house!

No, we don't have a vicious dog that will attack everyone so the pizza guy stays away, we're just lucky enough to live in the 3 square miles of northern phoenix that does not have a pizza place around. Check this out, it is a map of the Greater Phoenix Metropolitan Area, north of Loop 101, with Domino's Pizza locations marked.

As you can see, the locations are quite wide-spread to allow maximum pizza delivery location, now check this out, this is the same picture, only with their delivery route's boxed.

Ok, so I understand Phoenix is a big ass city and we cant expect 1 store to cover 20 miles, but would it kill a driver to possibly drive an extra mile or so to deliver a pizza? It would be moronic to put a Dominos along Carefree HWY/I-17 Junction to service possibly 400 people at best, but cmon, we order pizza for the convenience, if I need to drive to get my pizza, it really loses it's luster. And the best part, this isn't just Domino's, all pizza places like to build right next to eachother, so I guess the driver can work for 3 different places in the same night or something, so no pizza delivery, whatsoever!